THE ADVENTURES OF CLIFF THE VIKING
and his dragon Nightmare
The Very Dangerous Task
Once there was a Viking named Cliff. He wasn’t like the other Vikings. He was short, skinny, and was the son of the chief, Wolf the Tremendous, a whale of a person. He was a poor sword fighter, only weighed fifty pounds unlike the other boys, because they weighed about two-hundred pounds. He wasn’t violent either, like everyone was. He studied dragons by sitting on the beach and watching Wild Dragon Rock. It was very wild indeed. There were dragons EVERYWHERE in Wild Dragon Rock. He made drawings, profiles, and even learned a language called Dragonese. He had always wanted a dragon. And that was about to happen. His Viking teacher, Hardy the Fat, walked up to Cliff with the other boys, Snotty, Boar (Snotty’s friend), Bollixed, Weaking (Cliff’s best and only friend), and Berserk. Cliff was on the beach studying Wild Dragon Rock. Hardy threw his helmet at Cliff. Cliff immediately put away his drawings and profiles very quickly because Vikings weren’t supposed to be sitting around (unless they are sleeping) studying. It is very hard to explain. They are supposed to be training to become true Vikings. Hardy said, “Cliff, are you ready to go on the Very Dangerous Task?” (The Very Dangerous Task is when kids are trained enough to go to Wild Dragon Rock to get a baby dragon.) “Y-y-yes, sir” replied Cliff nervously. So they swam to Wild Dragon Rock, climbed up the rocks, and scrambled up onto the cliff. They all went into the cave quietly. They went in about forty feet and saw nothing but dragons - big dragons, little dragons, ANY size you can think of. But they were all sleeping. Weaking was the first to pick up a baby dragon and put it into his bag. Weaking ran out of there quietly and jumped off the cliff and plunged into the water. The other boys kept on going deeper into the cave. They knew there were better dragons deeper in the cave, and the only ones that were up front were the commons and casuals. The better ones were the Red Fangs, Poisonous White-claws (Poisonous White-claws have talons that have poison that can turn on and off, and only get poisonous when BONKERS mad), Invisible Nightmares, and several more. Snotty picked a Red Fang and his friend Boar picked a Poisonous White-claw. Bollixed picked a Green Tooth and Berserk picked a Glue Bomb (Glue Bombs have bombs that have a sticky coating that stinks to enemies. It doesn’t shoot a bomb at anything but dragons that hurt it. Bombs are not fatal.) That left Cliff. He picked up a Black Midnight. They are hard to train and disobey a lot. But he just wanted to get out of there and picked any baby dragon and didn’t even look at it. He put it in his bag and plunged into the water.
All the boys got back to shore with their dragons. They scrambled onto the beach and looked at their dragons. “Oh, boy. I got a Black Midnight. Oh no,” said Cliff. Black Midnights want people to think they’re harmless so they can make their teeth go up into their gums and their talons can go into toes. Cliff named him Nightmare. “Ooooh, what is that? It doesn’t even have any teeth,” laughed Snotty. Then Nightmare attacked Snotty without his teeth or talons. Cliff and the other boys just stood there watching Snotty screaming a lot. Weaking started giggling. Then all the boys were laughing like crazy! Even the adult Vikings joined in! Believe me, if something like that happens the whole village will start laughing. Nightmare turned around in a circle like a dog, pooped in Snotty’s mouth, lay down on Snotty’s chest, and made his talons shoot out of his toes into Snotty’s chest. “AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” screamed Snotty. His scream traveled all the way to*** Cliff is speaking to Nightmare in Dragonese. Dragons speak it. Very few humans speak this language.
. Snotty ran all the way to his house. Cliff picked up Nightmare and told him, “Don’t do that to me, Nightmare.”* “Are you talking to me? Hmm. So my name is Nightmare. So you must be my master. Don’t do what to you?” Nightmare replied. Cliff said, “Don’t attack me like you did to that guy running away.” “Oh, fine,” said Nightmare grumpily. So they walked to the training center. Fatty Treacherous Viking Island
They finally got to the training cages. They went into the cage and started training. First, they had to practice hunting skills. They used a life-size deer dummy and had to walk quietly up to it and pounce on it to make it fall over. They spent a lot of time on this because Nightmare flew around in circles screaming, “Food, food!” Cliff gave him meat. After Nightmare finished the meat he plopped onto the ground and waited for more. “Now, Nightmare, I want you to crouch down on the ground and crawl up to that deer. Then, you’re going to pounce onto it very hard to make it fall over,” Cliff said. Nightmare replied, “What do I get if I do?” Cliff sighed and said, “You’ll get more meat.” That got Nightmare to do it. Cliff gave him more meat. “Now, Nightmare, do it again without any more meat and I will be proud,” Nightmare did for some reason. Then Cliff knew it: Nightmare wants people to be proud. He made Nightmare do it one more time. “Okay, Nightmare, attack that deer and make me even more proud!” “Why would I want you to be proud?” “Wait, why did you do it last time?” “Because, from eating meat, it made my meaty mouth go into the deer, so it tasted like meat.” “Oh, brother. Okay, Nightmare, let’s go home.”
Cliff let Nightmare sleep in his deer skin bed. It was cold without a dragon! Dragons heat up when they sleep. Cliff fell asleep at 11:43. Nightmare woke up in the middle of the night at 1:23. He jumped out of Cliff’s bed and went into Wolf’s room. He jumped on Wolf’s bed and pooped on Wolf’s face. Then he grabbed some frosting, put it on Wolf’s hand, put some arrows on his face, and ran away. Wolf screamed louder than Snotty! He held his face which put frosting on his face and poop on his hand. The scream woke EVERYONE up in the village. “Dad, are you alright?!” Cliff said. “Does it look like I’m alright?” Wolf said angrily. Cliff started to laugh. “What’s so funny?” Cliff handed Wolf a mirror. Wolf screamed, “WHO DID THIS?!” “Well, that’s fresh dragon poop, so it was definitely a dragon,” Cliff said still laughing. Wolf went to the pig pen and jumped in the mud. Vikings take baths in pigs’ mud. That got the poop and frosting off. So he went to get clothes on. But his clothes weren’t where he left them. He looked all around his cabin but couldn’t find them. He ran all around the village still naked. Nightmare had them. He was running toward the marsh and Wolf saw him. Nightmare put some soap in the marsh and made it a bubble bath. Wolf jumped in the marsh for his clothes. He finally got them. But he smelled good. That was bad for Vikings because they were supposed to smell nasty. “NOOOOO!” Wolf screamed. The rest of the day he lay in pig and dragon poop or swam in a deep mud hole. He finally smelled nasty after eleven hours of laying in poop and mud. He was
Well, as you know that Wolf was mad at the dragon who messed with him, each dragon argued over who did it. Wacky, Berserk’s dragon, blamed Fireclaw, Snotty’s dragon, Baffle, Bollixed dragon, blamed the book-shelf (Baffle is stupid and clueless just like Bollixed—a perfect mix), and, okay, who cares about the other dragons, lets get to the dragon fight, Boar’s dragon, Rowdy, blamed Nightmare and Nightmare blamed Rowdy. “I did not do it, you butthole!” Nightmare lied. Rowdy said, “DO NOT CALL ME BUTTHOLE OR I WILL MAKE YOU GO INTO MY BUTTHOLE! And I did not do it, YOU did it!” “No, YOU did it, Rowdy” “No, you did it, un-nightmare!” “DON’T call me un-nightmare or I really will be your nightmare! When I’m done with you you’ll be crying for a diaper and shivering with fear.” “We’ll see about THAT” “DRAGON FIGHT!” yelled Cliff. Rowdy scratched Nightmare and Nightmare curled his little hand up into a fist and did an uppercut at Rowdy but missed and hit himself. Nightmare was MAD now. He scratched his initials into Rowdy’s skin. Rowdy growled and jumped at Nightmare. He hit the floor and turned really quick. Now all the boys were yelling for a dragon to win. “NIGHTMARE, NIGHTMARE!” cheered one half of the boys. “ROWDY, ROWDY!” yelled the other half of the boys. Now the dragons were fighting SO fast that it was just a big blur. After about an hour of that the two dragons got tired and plopped onto the ground and panted harder than an exhausted dog.
Once the fight was over, the boys tried to figure out who did it. (As you know that Nightmare did it, the boys did not know) “Well it was maybe Rowdy because he instantly got mad and sensitive as soon as Nightmare blamed him,” said Cliff. “IT WAS NOT, YOU LOSER!” screamed Boar. “A-a-alright, alright it wasn’t Rowdy.” said Cliff very scared. “I think it was this thingy that holds-that holds-ummm, ohhhh, I know this, uhhh, OH! I know, groups of paper. I’ve been watching it for a long time….” said Bollixed. “I think it was un- nightmare,” said Snotty and Boar. “Okay, I admit it, Rowdy and I did it,” admitted Nightmare. Rowdy was not listening right now because he was too busy taking a poop on the wooden couch. “Alright! I know what dragon did it because Nightmare here just told me! It was him and Rowdy!” Cliff said. That perked Rowdy up. “I TOLD YOU IT WASN’T ME, LOSER! IT WAS JUST UN-NIGHTMARE!!!” “Okay, geez, Rowdy! It was just Nightmare.” “I knew it!” said Snotty. While this was happening, Nightmare was running to the Soothing Spa Beds. (The Soothing Spa Beds was just a meadow with a bunch of moss.) Nightmare jumped in, and swam to the bottom of the meadow. But then he smelled something. It was old treasure! It took him about twenty minutes to dig it out. What made him stay underwater that long, like most dragons, have gills right by their eyes. Twenty minutes was long enough for the boys to realize that Nightmare wasn’t there. So, they started to try to find him. All the dragons sniffed around to find Nightmare’s scent. They finally found his smell and found the Soothing Spa Beds. Then, Nightmare burst out with an old treasure chest! It was full of treasure! On the box it said:
EDVARD THE PIRATE’S
DO NOT OPEN OR REGRET
Cliff knew that name right away. Edvard was a cruel, mean, and VERY good pirate. He defeated Ol’ Blackbeard. He beat One Eyed Willie. He sunk Pirate Pete. These were all very good pirates, but Edvard was better. His crew even was perfect. He was also Cliff’s great, great, great grandpa. “This is my great, great, great grandfather’s treasure!” Cliff said excitedly. “Let’s open it!” the boys said. “I should open it, since I am the best Viking here,” Snotty said. He reached toward the treasure until Cliff stopped him. “Oh, look who’s stopping me. Ohhhh, I’m SO scared!” laughed Snotty. “I should open it. Edvard is my great, great, great grandfather. So don’t even touch it,” said Cliff coldly and scared. “Ohhh, what are you gonna do if I DO touch it?” Snotty said. Cliff whistled for Nightmare. “Oh, crud.” Snotty backed away from Nightmare. “Nightmare, get him,” Cliff said in Dragonese. “With pleasure,” Nightmare said with a nasty grin on his face. RIP! Nightmare sliced Snotty’s pants off. Snotty ran home screaming with Nightmare running after him. He also wanted to get more pants on. He didn’t want to be like Wolf. But he was because the other Vikings were watching. They started laughing! Wolf was walking in front of Snotty and didn’t see him. Snotty ran into him and knocked him over. Wolf got up and didn’t see Nightmare so he fell over again. “Curse you rascals!” Wolf said. Now Nightmare was caught up with Snotty and bit him in the butt. “AAHHHHH!” Snotty screamed. While that was happening, Cliff was opening the treasure up. He found a bunch of doubloons inside! He even found Edvard’s famous sword the Blood Blade! They also found another treasure map! It said the other treasure was on the Isle of Danger. This island has thousands of dragons called Danger Spikes. Danger Spikes are dragons who are VERY fatal. If one bites you, you’re done for. If one scratches you, you have ten hours to live. The only cure for the scratch is to eat poop from some sort of animal called a lion. NOBODY in the Viking territory knew what a lion was. It was somewhere in this so-called place called
Africa. Only Edvard the Pirate has been to this so-called Africa because everyone else was afraid to go there. Everyone thought that the Earth was square and if you went to far off, you would fall off the edge. It took two YEARS for Edvard to get there. So if you gotten scratched, you’re done for. But, the had a lion. But that place is HARD to get into. If you get in, you never come out. Sort of like Island of Treacherous Tots Cincinnati, People don’t go to Cincinnati, they LEAVE but It’s the other way around. (I got that thing about Cincinnati from a movie, so don’t blame me) Cliff didn’t show the treasure map to the other boys because they would want to go to find it. He DEFINETLY didn’t show or tell Wolf. Cincinnati
The Isle of Danger
One night Cliff was looking at the map. At 1:43 AM he fell asleep. He didn’t wake up when The Blower Sounder blew. (The Blower Sounder is a horn that wakes all the Vikings up. It is EXTREMLY loud when blown) Wolf walked into Cliff’s room and found the map. He took one look at it, ran outside and hollered, “ADVENTURE!” Everyone knew what that meant. They packed up, and went to the Viking ship, The Wave Rider, without even eating breakfast. Cliff woke up, heard the Viking boat horn, which sounded like a wounded duck, and jumped out of bed franticly. He awoke Nightmare and took him and meat. Finally, he got to the boat and climbed up into it. Everyone was already in except Weaking when he got up into the boat. And believe me, it is VERY hard to climb up a Viking boat. “Oh, look who’s here now. It’s loser boy,” said Snotty. “Where are we going and where is Weaking?” Cliff said, ignoring what Snotty said. “WAIT, WAIT!” shouted Weaking when the boat started out for sea. He climbed up the boat and said,”What?” because all the boys were looking at him panting. He isn’t a very good runner. (Oh, did I mention that Weaking is the only boy who is worse than Cliff at being a Viking? And being a Viking includes A LOT of running to practice making an escape.) “Okay I’ll tell you where we’re going, losers, we’re going to the Isle of Danger,” Snotty said. “WHAT?!!” said Cliff and Weaking. Cliff remembered he didn’t see Edvard the Pirate’s map on his bed that morning. “DAD!!!” yelled Cliff. Wolf heard this, and he knew there was a problem because Cliff usually NEVER yells. He rushed over and said, “Alright, alright, what is it?” “ARE YOU CRAZY?! WE CAN’T GO TO THE ISLE OF DANGER!” “Why not?” “Hello, DUH, killer dragons are there!” They argued and argued about going to the Isle of Danger until they got there. “HA! We’re already there! NO TURNING BACK!” Wolf shouted. So, everyone jumped out, and walked into the cave. The sand was a reddish- orange color, the trees were dead and claw marks were covered over them, and the cave was VERY dirty. Wolf shouted, and the dirty cave grew eyes, and they weren’t dragon eyes, they were BAT eyes. They all flew out of the cave like a flood of water crashing into a big door. Then the cave was SUPER clean. It was grey and sparkly, but very gloomy and dark. “Issa scary here. So dark! Let’s get OUT of here!” said Nightmare. Cliff replied, “Yeah, I’m scared, too. I wish we could get out of here.” They kept on going deeper into the cave. The more they went in, the more scarier it got. They hadn’t seen any dragons yet. Then when they got to see dragons, Wolf stopped. He got out a shovel and started digging. After about a half an hour of digging, he found the treasure! He scraped the dirt of the treasure box and threw it far behind him. He pulled out the treasure and picked it up. But then the dirt that Wolf flung behind him landed on a Danger Spike. It woke up with a jolt and smelled Vikings. It smelled it easy to smell them because they smelled BAD! He followed the smell and found them. Then one of the Vikings stepped on it, and Vikings are HEAVY. It blacked out after being stepped on. The bad part about hurting a Danger Spike is that they scream loudly after. It woke the other dragons up and they chased the smell. “Hey, Wolf, do you hear that?” Hardy asked. “Oh, no. The Danger Spikes!” The dragons now caught up with the Vikings and the Vikings ran away! Weaking fell behind because as you know, he is slow. Just as he thought that he was done for, Cliff lifted him and caught up with the Vikings. They jumped onto the boat and sailed away! They still had Edvard’s treasure! Then, Cliff fell onto the floor of the boat. There was a scratch on his leg! “Take us to the
!” Wolf yelled to the sailor when he saw this. “Aye, aye, sir!” The sailor went to the Island of Treacherous Tots . Luckily, they were having a party on the far side of the island. The went into the Circle of Doom where the lion was. The lion was sleeping but the slightest move could wake it up. Wolf walked around the dome and tried to find some lion poop. Finally, he found some poop, but it was right next to the lion. He picked it up and put it in Cliff’s mouth. Cliff ate it, but then, Boar farted. The lion woke up and saw fresh meat. The lion chased them around the dome! “Quick, guys, get on this!” Weaking shouted to the boys. They jumped onto the dragon that Weaking was on and flew out of the dome. “Where to, people?” the dragon asked kindly. “To that boat!” Cliff answered. The rider dragon flew to them to their boat. “Thank you,” said Cliff. “WHAT? Are you talking to me? People NEVER say thank you to me! Thank you for saying thank you! Um, can I stay with you?” said the rider dragon. “UH, sure you can stay with me!” Cliff said. They sailed back to their island with the treasure, Cliff, and the rider dragon. Island of Treacherous Tots