How to Survive in the Wilderness
Hello. I’m Mazy. I’ve gotten smarter! I guess you probably read my first book. It’s hard to write with paws. I’m going to the park today with Master! Oh, boy! I love the park! I don’t know why Master is taking me to the park, though, because some of the things I’ve done in the past week had me locked in my cage. (Box, Master says when I’ve done something, but I don’t see any boxes, so I go to my cage.) I don’t know when I’ve done something good or bad. Either I’ve done something good and Master doesn’t want me to show off, or I’ve been a bad doggy and I’m being punished.
The things I’ve done this week is digging up the yard trying to find a bone buried, chased a few cats into the house, chewed up Masters underwear (which tasted horrible, but I could smell a donut in one of them), and ran away from Master when we went on a walk (I was on an invisible string or something, so Master came with me on his stomach).
Yipee, it’s time to go to the park! Master hooked me on the invisible string, and we were off! When we got there, a new thing with letters read something. I think it said “Park”. But Master didn’t unhook me from the string. Instead he gave to man that was holding other dogs that I didn’t know. He said something, but I couldn’t understand him.
“Welcome to the park! I will unhook you from your invisible strings!” but he didn’t unhook us. Then I noticed someone I knew. It was Nico!
“Hey, Nico! How’s it going?”
“Bad. Don’t you know, Mazy? We’re in
! Didn’t you read
the sign? That’s what it said.” Obedience
“I can’t read,” I said.
“Well you better learn, then!” Nico barked. The man pulled us over to an open space on the grass as we fought and struggled. But it was too late. We were learning how to be good. Learning hurts my brain! But I saw a lot of other dogs I knew. There was Piper (who lives next door), Meena (my old friend), and Mr. Bone (my arch enemy)! (By the way, what kind of name is MR. BONE? Who named him?) I learned how to sit, lie down, and wait for a person to tell me to eat a treat after they set it on my nose (which was the WORST). So I decided to sit the rest of the class. Then I lay down. Then I drove a car. Oops, I think I might of fell asleep and had my last story’s dream. But when I woke up, I was home. When I looked at my stomach I had a bunch of marks where my fur had fell off. Hmm, how could that happen? They hurt, too. I guess my master gave me some weird tattoo when I was sleeping.
Guess what? Nico told me that the weird tattoo was drag marks!
“Those are drag marks, all right, Mazy. How stupid could you be to fall asleep at the end of the lesson?”
“Drag marks?! Those are scratches!” chimes Piper.
Anyway, today I had another lesson. I got so bored, that I ran into the woods. My invisible string came off! Yipee, I’m a free dog! I spent the night there. Every so often, I heard people. So I moved quietly away from them. One day, I heard those darn squirrels I chased one day in here. I thought about scaring them again, but wouldn’t they run back to our huge dog house Master owns? So I didn’t. The only important thing was (besides not chasing squirrels) was food. I was hungry! But I didn’t want to go to Master again.
was HORRIBLE!! Obedience School
Well, guess what? I ended up dragging myself back to Master. He gave me food, luckily. I thought he was going to punish me by not giving me food! Then he let me outside. I tried to tell him I was sick of being outside, but he didn’t listen. I guess this is my punishment. But then he came outside and put a new collar on me and waited. I guess he was going to let me back out to the woods! The collar probably squirted out food and told people not to take me back to Master! So I tried to jump over the fence, but then then I got horrible jolt of magic! I thought Master was a normal person! But he’s probably actually a wizard. He probably made an invisible force- field!
The next day at
I showed Nico my new collar how cool it looked and about how Master was a
wizard. Obedience School
“Wizard?! Collar?! That’s a shock collar, you idiot! Your master put in an electric fence!!” Yup, that was probably it. Nico is the smart one.
“You should really run back into the woods, Mazy!”
“Alright, but what will I eat?” I ask Nico.
“There are lots of things! Fish, squirrels, half eaten garbage (make sure it’s food though), and what about wild garlic?”
“Yuck, Nico! Raw squirrel? You’re weird!”
“Start a fire! Find a cave or something to live in! You’ll be livin’ the good life!” “What’s a fire?” “Ugh, Mazy, a fire starts when you rub two sticks together and stats a flame. You’ll know when you did it when you smell smoke. Now go!” Alright, if it’s that easy, at least let me get a head start. I unhooked the leash (Nico told me it wasn’t an invisible string) and snuck away. Nobody saw me. Nobody but Nico. Alright they might find out sooner or later, but I’ll be long gone.
Oh, boy I found a cave! Nothin’ is hibernating at this time of year. I shouldn’t have thought I was safe now, because a big brown bear came back to his cave. I yelped. Oh, no… he saw me! I made a break for it. Now, Nico said I could use a “something”. What’s a something? Aha! I found a big cave like hut caved out by the creek! That must be a something! I had water, sticks to start a fire, and food! There was a road a quarter mile from here! Nico was right. I was going to live the good life! Nobody could find me here!
Okay, I was wrong about “nobody would find me here” thing. A family came by and took me home with them. And I had no collar with a return address! They had a kid who was about nine named Gus. They were really nice. Guess what else? They lived right next to Nico! I loved it! Afterward, I stayed with them the rest of my life!