How to Be Lazy
Hello. I am Mazy. I am a dog. The reason I say that is because I thought you would think I am a cat. I hate cats! So I scare them away. But they just climb up our trees. I try to get up there too, but I can’t! Why can’t I climb up to scare them down? If I could climb up a tree I could scare them into the forest. There are plenty of trees there.
Today I was in the house sleeping, minding my own business, when my master called for me. I woke up, and went to find master. He told me to get in the car and sit down on the floor. I don’t know what a floor is so I jumped up on the thing Master was on and waited. It was a very short wait because Master yelled at me and pointed down at the dirty thing that was holding the thing Master was on. I looked at him with very cute eyes. Master sighed and left me there. I was glad because the other thing is dirty! I also didn’t want to move because, well, my feet hurt. Okay, I admit it, I’m lazy. I fell asleep in the car when we pulled out of the driveway. About five minutes later, the car slammed on the brakes. I woke up on the dirty thing that holds Master’s thing he’s sitting on. I jumped up on the thing like Master sits on and jumped on the car radio to see what was going on. I didn’t see much because Master yelled at me. So I jumped down. We turned around and went on a different road.
Ten minutes later we stopped. I saw where we were - the place that I don’t speak of. (Actually, I can’t even speak.) I guess I might as well write it. The Vet. I jumped in the back seat and then the trunk. I don’t like the Vet. I jumped at the hole in the trunk door and smashed into something. There was a force field there! Master picked me up and took me inside. We waited for the vet to call our name. I hid under the thing Master was sitting on. Then the vet called for us. I didn’t move. So Master put the leash on me and pulled me. I slid across the slippery floor. It was very embarrassing to me. I slid into the other room. First, the Vet gave me a thing on my butt that made it numb. Next, she gave me a shot. I yelped. She gave me a treat. Then the vet pet me. Next, we were getting out of there!
When we got home I didn’t even bother moving when Master opened the door. He carried me in. When we got inside I didn’t even move. I fell asleep at that same exact spot.
The next day Master went for a ride in the car without me. I was surprised! Usually he takes me with him. I went through the doggy door and got a rock. I ran to the other car with the rock and tried to throw it at the window. It didn’t work. Then I remembered-the car had a code to make it open. I went back in the house and got the paper with the code on it that Master uses when he loses the keys for that car. It is 745692. I tried it with my nose and it worked! I jumped in and started the car because the keys were already in it. I drove around the yard for some practice. Then I went down the driveway and turned. So far, so good!
I drove the way Master went and found him at his friend’s house. I drove through his friend’s fence on accident and parked in Master’s friend’s yard and jumped out. I went through the open screen door and found Master. For a second he just sat there staring at me with his mouth open. Then he said good-bye to his friend and took me home.
The next day Master’s friend called and said that our car was parked in his yard and that his fence was destroyed. Master said he didn’t know what he was talking about and looked at me. I knew I was in trouble. So I went in my cage and lay down. But Master called me and said he knew that I drove the car and that he was happy! He also said he was going to enter me in a talent show that was going to happen next week. So he did.
When the talent show came Master let me drive there. I couldn’t believe it. He got in my side and I got in on his side. We made it there safely and I didn’t do anything wrong! Master took me inside the dome where it was happening. They had two cars waiting-one for driving in the talent show and one for taking home as a prize. I drove around a track on my own and people cheered.
Then I woke up for some reason and I knew it-I was dreaming! Darn, I wanted to go to the dog store on my own, but I didn’t have money like Master. That meant I would have to get a job!
Mazy is my dog. She really is crazy and lazy! But this didn’t happen at all!
1 How to Be Lazy
2 How to Survive in the Wilderness
3 Water Dog